Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
