Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
