The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
