somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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