Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
