I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
its liver damage thursday
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