Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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