Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize