shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
