Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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