hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
