please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
