before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
