We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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