so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nutella sex= disaster
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
