Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
