blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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