fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
