I think I died a long time ago.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
