Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
