if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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