2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
