Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Everyone says I win the strip club
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
