so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
