omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
