I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
