we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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