yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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