the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
