I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
