Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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