Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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