God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize