i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
