you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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