the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
