Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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