Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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