Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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