wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
