he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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