And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
