I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
