I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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