Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
