oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
