i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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