A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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