why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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