dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
