My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
