You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
