moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
