so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
