Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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