hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
