What a fucking waste of an outfit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize