you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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