i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
