this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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