my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
