That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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