i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
