Kiss
Puke
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
