I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
