so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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