She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
