The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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