I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.