i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.