I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
North Korea, Best Korea!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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