i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
