Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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